February 13, 2006
by "Biggest Daddy" Interview with Mike
Glander,
Salem Cowtippers
Biggest Daddy: Thanks for sitting down with us,
Mike. We notice that you tend to give the majority of your interviews to
Mr. Roy Firestone, so we are quite honored to that you've decided to
take some time with us.
Mike Glander: I always make time for you, Biggest Daddy.
BD: So let's get started. Don't you think Firestone is too old to be
keeping up this gig? What will it take for you and the Salem
organization to abandon that old, unfunny doofus?
MG: I only talk to Roy after I lose a playoff series-- which means I've
talked to him half a dozen times now. He has a really soft shoulder
that's just perfect for crying on.
BD: Ok, now to the obvious. I am not going to beat around the bush.
What's the deal? No World Series titles in how many seasons of making
the playoffs? Even the Atlanta Braves won one in 1995.
MG: Well, the Braves have won 14 division titles in a row, and I've won
only won six titles in seven years. So I still have a little way to go
before I'm as pathetic as them. But you're right. We are pretty
pathetic. My worst nightmare has come true. There's nothing I hate worse
than a team that chokes under pressure. I guess this is Karma's way of
punishing me for all the abuse I've given Red Sox fans over the years.
BD: Are you jealous of the Stamford Zoots and Allentown Ridgebacks?
MG: What an odd question. Roy would never ask me something like that. Am
I jealous of the Zoots and Ridgebacks? Well, I'm certainly envious of
all their trophies. I mean, who isn't? I would literally chew off my
right hand if it would get me just one BDBL trophy. I can't imagine what
it must be like to own two or three of them. The Zoots put together an
amazing dynasty. Three trophies and an asterisk in five years is just
mind-boggling. A lot of things have to break your way for that to
happen, and the Zoots certainly had Lady Luck on their side on more than
one occasion. And the Ridgebacks are an amazing franchise that is still
going strong. I predict they'll add at least three more trophies in the
next six years.
BD: What will happen when the Salem Cowtippers win a BDBL championship?
MG: "When?" Wow, you're a real optimist, Biggest Daddy! IF that day ever
comes, I'm thinking it will be preceded by a swarm of locusts, raining
blood, rampant famine, flooding, pestilence; that sort of thing.
Seriously, I imagine it would be the greatest feeling in the world. I
remember the elation I felt when the Yankees won the 1996 championship.
It was my brother's wedding day, and when Charlie Hayes snagged that pop
fly for the final out of the Series, I hugged my bro so tight I think I
broke a few ribs. I imagine that winning the BDBL championship would be
roughly twice as thrilling.
BD: Mike, you are not afraid to throw big names around the transaction
boards. Every year, your line-ups and pitching staffs are filled with
MLB stars. On that note: A) Why aren't you afraid to trade big names for
other big names? and B) Are you loyal to your players, and if so, which
ones?
MG: What's there to be afraid of? Seriously. I think people sometimes
get too emotional when it comes to dealing certain players. No player
should be untouchable. Every player has a price. If it's in the best
interests of your team, you should pull the trigger, and don't think
twice about it. As far as loyalty goes, I show just as much loyalty to
my players as the players show to their MLB teams. It's a business.
Nothing personal. That said, I do grow attached to certain players, and
it would be very difficult to trade someone like Lance Berkman, for
example. But you know, it looks like L.B. may be moving to first base
this season, and if that happens, I'm going to face a very difficult
decision next winter. But when push comes to shove, I won't let my
emotions get the better of me. I'll do what's best for the team, just as
I've always done.
BD: In your eyes, what makes a successful BDBL season?
MG: Winning the BDBL championship in a fair and legitimate way. Any
other outcome is a failure as far as I'm concerned.
BD: What would it take for the BDBL to be shut down?
MG: My death. Come to think of it, even then, I'm pretty sure
someone will step up and take over when that day arrives. At least, I
hope so.
BD: As time goes on in this league, we've seen less and less turnover
amongst BDBL owners. However, when the league first began, lots of
owners were coming and going. Did you you ever feel that the league
wouldn't make it? How do you feel about turnover? Good or bad for the
league?
MG: I never once felt that the league wouldn't make it. If all 23 of the
other owners in the league decided to quit for some reason, I'd just
find 23 more and keep plugging away. We had a ton of turnover in the
early days of the league, and a big reason for that was that people
didn't believe our contract and salary system would work. Yet here we
are heading into Year Eight, and our contract and salary structure is
being copied by several other DMB leagues. Another reason for the early
turnover rate is that good people are just really hard to find. When you
receive an application to the league, you take what that person writes
at face value. I don't know who these people are, so I just have to
trust that what they have written is true and use my best judgment.
Sometimes my instinct about a person is right, and other times I'm way
off base. Eventually, the good ones stick and the bad ones fall through
the cracks. But that takes some time. Right now, I think we have 24 of
the greatest owners we could ever find, and I'd be shocked if anyone
resigns within the next couple of years.
BD: Seriously, how much time do you devote to this league, and if you
possibly have time for other hobbies, what would they be?
MG: It's hard to quantify how much time I devote to the league. Doing
web site updates and maintaining the league disk really doesn't take
that much time. Thanks to the work of Tom, Jeff, Tony C., Greg, D.J.,
Tony B. and others, a lot of the work I used to do myself has been
outsourced. So my job as Commissioner really doesn't take up that much
time. I'd say the most time-consuming part of my job as Commissioner and
Webmaster is drawing those goofy uniforms and hats on all the pictures
on our front page. But my job as GM of the Cowtippers has become almost a full-time
job. I'm constantly reading everything I can get my hands on, just
trying to gain any edge I can over the competition.
As far as hobbies
go, I have three boys at home who require constant attention and
supervision, so the concept of "free time" is a little alien to me. But
with the free time I do have, I like to hang out with my friends in the
neighborhood, watching football or shooting pool at my place. I love to
read. I probably average a book a month. I'm really looking forward to
"Fantasyland" by Sam Walker, which is due for release next month. I read
a lot of baseball stuff, but I try to stay well-rounded somewhere other
than my mid-section, so I also force myself to read a classic every now
and then, and I enjoy reading books on philosophy and science. I'm also
a huge TV junkie. My wife and I watch two hours on TiVo every night,
religiously. And I also enjoy playing games on the PC, such as
"Half-Life 2" and "Area 51." I just finished "Call of Duty 2," and it
kicks ass. And in the spring and fall, I coach a little league team,
which pretty much devours my life during those times of the year.
BD: Do you realize how much enjoyment and virtually free entertainment
that you provide for 23 other guys?
MG: You'd think they would treat me better, huh? I'm really very happy
that this league has brought as much enjoyment to others as it has to
me. This league has turned out better than I ever expected-- and my
expectations were unreasonably high.
BD: Would you ever let a female join the league?
MG: Sure, why not. We put up with Sharky, and he's as close to a woman
as any man could ever be. As long as she knows her baseball and wouldn't
be intimidated by my good looks, I see no reason why the BDBL couldn't
cross the gender barrier.
BD: Ok, let's turn back to those Salem Cowtippers. What does 2006 look
like? Who is your stiffest competition? Do you expect to be in the
playoffs?
MG: Oof. You really want to go here? We were having such a pleasant
conversation. My goal for this season is to finish above .500. I'm the
only team in the league that has never had a sub-.500 season, and I
would really like to maintain that distinction. I would also like to
stay atop the all-time wins list. I know it's silly and meaningless, but
it's the only thing I have to brag about after seven years of
intense frustration. And lastly, I'd like to stick it to the Blazers as hard and
as often as I can this season. After what they've done to me over the
years, I'd love to give them a little payback.
BD: What acquisition or draft pick from the current roster are you the
most pleased with?
MG: This might sound arrogant, but I'm really pleased with ALL of my
draft picks this winter. So it's hard to pick just one. I
know my team doesn't look like much, but I'm really happy with it. I had a severe disadvantage heading into this
winter with the roster I had, and having the 24th pick in every round of
the draft made it extremely difficult to plan a strategy for this year
or next. My initial plan was to pick up a few marketable players in the
auction and trade them for draft picks, but no one wanted to play along
with that. It
seemed that I had to change my draft strategy by the minute, so I was
pleasantly surprised with the way my team turned out in spite of those
obstacles.
BD: For the newer members, give us a quick update of your life outside
the BDBL: Tell us about your family, your job, and your deepest, darkest
fears in life.
MG: Let's see...My wife, Karen, and I have been married now for 13
years. She's an amazing woman; and, as you might imagine, very
understanding. We have three boys, ages 9, 5 and 2. For the past five
years, I've worked as a database analyst with Hewlett-Packard Company. I
am fortunate to have a job where I sit in front of a computer with
internet access all day, with a lot of downtime waiting for jobs to run
or for clients to return my phone calls and e-mails. My deepest, darkest
fear? Three words: President Hillary Clinton.
BD: Richard Hatch or Johnny Fairplay?
MG: Johnny Fairplay. You love to hate him. The ultimate reality TV
villain.
BD: IE or Firefox?
MG: I use IE because it came with my system, it works reasonably well,
and it's compatible with many of the other programs I use.
BD: Stamford Zoots or Allentown Ridgebacks?
MG: Yeesh, another Zoots/Ridgebacks question. Well, the Zoots played
dirty, and I'm not a big fan of that style of play. So I'll go with the
Ridgebacks.
BD: Yankee Stadium or heaven?
MG: Is there a difference?
BD: Late 70's Yankees or Late 90's Yankees?
MG: The Yankees of the '70's are the reason we're talking today, so I'll
go with them. If it hadn't been for Graig, Thurman, Reggie, Billy,
Willie, Bucky, Gator, Goose and the rest of them, I might not be as big
a fan of the game as I am.
BD: Red Sox win World Series or Allentown Ridgebacks win World Series?
MG: Easy. The Ridgebacks. Their fans are far less annoying.
BD: Thank you very much for your time,
Mike! MG: Oh, no, Biggest
Daddy. Thank YOU. |