Past Interviews:

So Cal Slyme
Plattsburgh Champs
Chicago Black Sox
New Milford Blazers
Queensboro Kings
Minneapolis Haymakers

March 17, 2000
by "Biggest Daddy"

Interview with Brian Hicks, Madison Fighting Mimes

Biggest Daddy: Why did you choose the name "Fighting Mimes" for your franchise? And where on earth did you find that disturbing team logo? That thing gives me nightmares.

Brian Hicks: I wanted a name that would strike fear (or at least confusion) into the hearts of my opponents. Therefore, the name and logo are both fitting. The logo is partially the result of my award-winning adolescent art skills. 

BD: If Marcel Marceau and Bud Selig got into a deadly brawl in the middle of the streets of Madison, do you think anyone would break it up?

BH: Absolutely. Just so they could get a few shots in on Bud before he crumpled like an empty beer can.

BD: If you were trapped in an invisible box on a desert island, what would you bring with you?

BH: A real cardboard box, laptop, something to drink, a radio, and a lot of books.

BD: What's the most important stat in baseball and why?

BH: Tradional stat would be...hmmm.. probably slugging percentage. Newer stat would be runs created per 27 outs. If you do a regression analysis on which traditional stat (e.g. OBP, BA, Stolen bases)predicts the most runs created for a team, slg% and OBP are at the top.

BD: How did you become a Cardinals fan living in Brewers country? Did it have anything to do with the '82 World Series?

BH: I grew up in Illinois, 2 hours away from St. Louis. No, but the '82 series was wonderful. ( a little side note: A Cardinal fan/current co-worker threw a phone through his sliding glass door during the 85' series on the famous blown call at first base for those of you who remember it.)

BD: Aside from playing in the greatest Diamond Mind Baseball league on the planet, what do you do for fun? 

BH: 1) Train for a half-marathon, maybe the real thing in the fall, 2) Attend and attempt to finish graduate school while working full-time, 3) Read anything I can get my hands on, 4) Watch sports, 5) Gamble on horses when I have the cash, 6) Try to avoid catching grief from the wife for doing too much of the above.

BD: Are you excited by the opening of Miller Park next year?

BH: I have mixed feelings. The old park was fine, no need for people to die for Bud Selig to line his pockets. I'm not sure if his daughter's ugly mug has been exposed to the nation, but she's the most ungraceful person I've ever heard or seen in my life.

BD: I see you work as a therapist in a psychiatric hospital. Compare and contrast your average mental patient to Bryan Sakolsky.

BH: Hmmmm...this is a tough one. I don't know him personally. Brian is a little more verbal and a lot more opinionated. Beyond that it's hard to say, I think I have a better grasp on the personalities of the guys who have been in the league for a longer period of time. I would need some objective test information to say anymore about him.

BD: You drafted Russ Branyan in this year's free agent draft. Have you considered replacing his bat with an accordian fan to keep the players on the bench cool during the summer?

BH: Russ may be the next Billy Ashley but I have higher hopes. If he can learn to go to the opposite field he'll be fine. He tries to pull everything and overswings. Look for Russ to have a breakout year.

BD: You also own the infamous Mark Johnson. If Ben Davis is a "poor man's Charles Johnson" (according to Plattsburgh GM Tim Zigmund), how would you describe Johnson?

BH: Mark is just a poor man. He'll always be a grade B catcher but he does have two things going for him: 1 - Excellent strike zone judgement for a .220 hitter (tee hee hee!!)  2 - Baseball Prospectus said he is already one of the best defensive catchers in baseball. I know for a fact you saw that biggest daddy!!!!

BD: If you had it to do all over again, would you have chosen a different player with the #2 pick overall in the Inaugural Draft?

BH: Absolutely not. The eventual success of young pitchers is much harder to predict, but Baez has too much going for him. As for some of the other players I could have picked: Milton "bad attitude" Bradley is the next Mitchell Page, Dernell Stenson is the next Sam Horn, I'll stop myself here.

BD: (Well, I actually meant the Inaugural Draft, not this year's farm draft, but that's okay.)  How goes the battle against CTD (Compulsive Trading Disorder)?

BH: One day at a time - it's a struggle!!! There's also an impulsive component.

BD: Take us through your thought process before the recent Parris-for-Vidro deal.

BH: 1) Tarzan need lefty (or switch)hitting 3b.  2) Parris may have a decent 2000 season(180 IP, 3.50 ERA) so Tarzan hold off on trade initially.  3) Millar probably won't play 3b ever again, has too little power for a 1b. But Tarzan likes him for some odd reason.  4) Vidro hits a tremendously high number of doubles for a youngster, Tarzan hopes these translate to homers in 2 years.  5) Tarzan pull string.

BD: Of the fourteen trades you've made since the end of last season, which makes you most proud? And which do you regret the most?

BH: Well, the initial strategy was to only dump guys I wouldn't have the cap room for and collect guys that may appeal to certain owners. I'm proud of all of them!!!!! I regret none!!!

BD: And finally, what are your predictions for the Madison Fighting Mimes and the rest of the BDBL this year?

BH: Mimes will finish second and only 5 games will seperate the 1st and 4th teams in the division; I have no idea who will finish first. Two owners will quit and one of the new owners will trade their way to the title.