Past Interviews:

• So Cal Slyme

by "Biggest Daddy"

Hot Stove Talk: The Plattsburgh Champs

Biggest Dadddy back again. This time, the Plattsburgh Champs are under Biggest Daddy's barbeque sauce covered microscope.

What's looking up? - The offense. The only team in the BDBL where you can make a completely random lineup and still score in double figures with a little BDBL luck. Bobby "straight up for Kevin Stocker" Abreu (335/446/549), Dave Justice (287/413/476), Mike Piazza (303/361/575), Biggio (294/386/457), and Matt Williams (303/344/536)make up the core of the offense. Not to mention Tony Batista, Mike Stanley and Tony Gwynn are in the lineup. Most likely, Williams, Biggio and Batista will keep their VG/EX ratings in the infield.

Who's looking up? Rick Helling (41 homers in 219 IP, 4.84 ERA) will have whiplash by the end of the season. John Snyder (129 IP, 27 homers, 6.68 ERA) should be shot on sight if he goes anywhere near the mound.

The Rest? Darren Oliver (196 Ip, 4.26 ERA) and Orel Hershiser (4.58) are ground ball pitchers who can take advantage of the great infield D. Roberto Hernandez will probably close (only 1 dinger in 73 IP, when was the last time that happened?) while Rudy Seanez and Vladamir Nunez will see a lot of innings.

Little known fact - If you combine the HR/IP ratio of Helling, Snyder, and Gabe White, you have something like 81 homers in 409 IP.

Biggest Daddy's advice to Champs fans? Pack an extra SPAM sandwich, their games will be long affairs.

Prediction?

1) As I look into my crystal ball I see the Champs drafting 30 pitchers.
2) The Bailey Ave. curse will continue and Hershiser will have a higher average than Mike Piazza by season's end.
3) There will be a lot of kicked dogs in Plattsburgh next summer.

My pizza is here, gotta go.

An Interview with Tim Zigmund

Biggest Daddy: Your team really underperformed in 1999. If they would have performed slightly below average (which would have been an improvement) where would you have finished?

Zigmund: First, I have no-one to blame for the team's underachieving but myself. You try to be nice, try to be a good guy and hire some ex-Expos who have had life a little bit rough since 1969 and look what happens. And, then, once the decision was made to get rid of Coco once and for all, it probably wasn't fair to ask superstar catcher Mike Piazza to take on the extra burden of managing the team. I mean, it started out great for two chapters, but then Mike just got burnt out trying to juggle too many things: playing every day, managing, chasing Wilt Chamberlain's scoring record...it just got to be too much for him. Then Mike collapsed and there was the whole Bobby Valentine Master of Disguise thing and, just when it looked like we were perfectly positioned to take the wild card, everything fell apart.

This season we will have the steady hand of Tony Gwynn guiding the team and you know that Tony will not overwork himself (on or off the field) the way Mike did. Tony takes plenty of days off. And, even more importantly, Bobby Valentine will have a really tough time trying to pass himself off as Tony Gwynn...Tony's got the kind of physique that takes months (if not years) of dedication to duplicate.

That being said, if the Champs had managed to underachieve only a little bit, we would have been right there for the wild card. And if Tony Gwynn had already been made the player/manager he might have been willing to give the same "120%" effort that put Litchfield over the top.

BD: Do you think it's true that Jim Rice could really hit a golf ball 500 yards in the air?

TZ: Yes...yes he can. Tiger stole that whole hitting the ball out of the air thing from Jim. And if you let Jim tee it up, he'll hit it about 750.

BD: When you have nightmares, which do you see more - Bill Buckner muffing the grounder or Gary Carter scoring?

TZ: I never saw Carter score.

BD: Your brother Eric is also in the league. Rumor has it that he told another manager that you ask him for advice on all of the moves you make (trades, free agents pickups, lineups, rotations). Is this true?

TZ: Absolutely true. There's a certain value when faced with several different options in knowing conclusively which one is the worst so you can eliminate it from any further consideration.

BD: If you could throw a 100 mph heater and you were allowed to bean someone from 60 feet 6 inches, who would it be? It has to be a modern day player.

TZ: It can't be Bud Selig? If it has to be a player, I would be torn between Albert Belle (on account of he's an all-around great guy and always plays really hard except when his team is still in a pennant race...like even in that "great" 50-50 year with Cleveland he had a so-so, at best, first half and didn't really get going until his squad was already up by 20 games or the last two years with Chicago and Baltimore where he had big second halves after his club had been totally eliminated from any playoff consideration) or Dante Bichette (a fat slob who would be lucky to be employed as a 4th or 5th outfielder on a team that played in a real ballpark anywhere within 2,000 feet of sea level...check out his home and road records since he went to Colorado...or his pathetic "career" before he ended up in Colorado). Now that Dante has been traded to Cincinnati, maybe Deon Sanders will come back and I can choose between him and Albert.

BD: Being a computer programmer, did you ever try to make up your own baseball simulation?

TZ: No.

BD: What exactly is a Champ? What does one look like? Does he where a Yankee uniform? Is he muscle bound and unable to hit breaking pitches?

TZ: "Champ" (or, sometimes, "Champie") is a creature that lives in Lake Champlain...think the Loch Ness Monster without the haggis. He has been photographed but never, at least to my knowledge, interviewed. He has a number of web pages devoted to him by adoring fans. Champ likes to nibble on Yankees between meals, when available, but they do tend to give him gas. Flatulence aside, Bronx Bombers can't be beat for a light snack.

BD: Where will your team finish in 2000? Are there any teams to really watch out for?

TZ: The Champs are always aiming for the top. With a new player/manager in place that likes to lead by example, we'll be ready to go right from the opening bell. Fortunately new Lakeside Park is still under construction, so Tony was able to get the architects to expand the buffet area in the new clubhouse. For this season new picnic tables are being installed out by the parking lot for the post-game feed.

BD: I feel that Butch Hobson is the embodiement of the Red Sox: strikes out a lot, bad fielder, punchless in key situations, almost won the world series, etc. I could go on but why waste bandwidth. No?

TZ: You forgot to mention receiving the package of cocaine when he was a minor league manager.

BD: You live in Minneapolis, do you ever go to the dome to watch baseball?

TZ: You can go to the dome, you can watch baseball, but you can't do both at the same time.

BD: You're not actually going to put John Snyder out on the mound in 2000, are you?

TZ: John Snyder was lauded by a certain Commissioner as the steal of round whatever in the draft. I'm thinking of trading him straight up for John Olerud after the draft.