Past Interviews:

So Cal Slyme
Plattsburgh Champs
Chicago Black Sox
New Milford Blazers
Queensboro Kings
Minneapolis Haymakers
Madison Fighting Mimes

March 26, 2000
by "Biggest Daddy"

Interview with Mike Glander, Salem Cowtippers

Biggest Daddy: Which have you worn more of in your life: Toughskins, Speedos or parachute pants?

Mike Glander: I can honestly say I have never worn speedos or parachute pants in my life.
And while I don't recall ever wearing Toughskins, I will admit it's possible, but I have just been repressing it.

BD: What is your most memorable moment at a Yankee game which you attended?

MG: Game One of the '96 World Series. The Yanks got hammered, but I'll never forget the electricity in that park as the Yanks took the field. Then there was the time I got to hit Freddy Sez's frying pan with a spoon. It's a toss-up.

BD: If you re-made Bull Durham and played the lead role, who would the lead female be?

MG: I would say Anna Kournikova, but she's a little young for the part. So I'll say Heather Locklear.

BD: Have you ever been really loaded on cough syrup?

MG: No, but I've had some pretty mean run-ins with Jughead Juice™.

BD: You're a wrestler in the WWF. What would your nickname and signature move be?

MG: I'm a wrestler in the WWF?!?   Quick!  Get me a lobotomy!!

BD: Would you rather shave Pete Rose's back or clip Yogi Berra's nose hair?

MG: I would consider it an honor to clip Yogi's nose hair.

BD: Your son announces he's a Red Sox fan, what do you say (besides "You're going to stay with grandma for awhile")?

MG: Ever see that movie "Clockwork Orange?" Well, I'd tie him to a chair, pry his eyelids open with toothpicks and make him watch Game Six of the 1986 World Series over and over again until he understood what a pathetic bunch of losers the Red Sox are.

BD: Do you ever lie in bed at night thinking about BDBL dominance?

MG: I reserve those feelings for when I'm playing the Litchfield Lightning.  Mostly I lay awake at night wondering how George Bush and Al Gore became our only two choices for president.

BD: Which GM in the Ozzie League is the best judge of talent?

MG: Aside from myself, of course? Well, I admire the work that Jeff Paulson has done in quietly assembling another deceptively good team. He's had a good game plan since Day One and has stuck with it. His teams are built around hitters who get on base and a suffocating bullpen, and has shown that this formula works.

BD: Pick two players that will have breakout years in 2000 (non-Yanks) who the media is overlooking?

MG: Javier Vazquez and Dmitri Young.