Past Interviews:

So Cal Slyme
Plattsburgh Champs
Chicago Black Sox
New Milford Blazers
Queensboro Kings
Minneapolis Haymakers
Madison Fighting Mimes
Salem Cowtippers
Los Altos Undertakers
Cleveland Rocks

July 9, 2000
by "Biggest Daddy"

Disclaimer: There is a common misperception that "Biggest Daddy" is Commissioner Glander.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Biggest Daddy is an owner in the BDBL who, for good reason, wishes to remain anonymous.  The BDBL and Commissioner Glander are not responsible in any way for comments or questions posed by Biggest Daddy.

Interview with Paul Marazita, Stamford Zoots

BIGGEST DADDY: People in the popular BDBL press have already made you the two time winner of the BDBL. Please give us your acceptance speech for the 2000 trophy and we'll move on.

PAUL MARAZITA: It's real nice to hear that the other owners consider the Zoots to be the 2000 champion but there is a lot of season left to play and I have several "issues" with this team that make me less than comfortable. Nice try...but speeches are best left for the team that is left standing after 160 regular season games and a spine-jarring playoff run. Hopefully I will be in the mix.

BD: How did you come up with the Zoots as a nickname?

PM: Pop Warner football...circa 1980's. I was just a young defensive end at the time on a juggernaut known as the New Milford Steers. Early in the season we were playing on the road and the starting defense was announced.  Somehow (don't ask me how...it still eludes me), the announcer turned "Marazita" into "Marazoota." Before I knew it, "Zoots" had stuck along with several iterations (Zooter, Zoot, Ziti etc.). Hey, what can I say.

BD: Some of your young players (e.g. Dawkins, Nick Johnson, Jiminez) don't seem to be developing as fast as others. Why not? Shouldn't you shake up your scouting department?

PM: Shake up the scouting department??? Boy oh boy Biggest Daddy, you are a tough one. I love my scouting department and hold them in the highest regard. Of the folks you mention, Nick Johnson and D'Angelo Jimenez have been felled by injury (wrist and car accident respectively) and Gookie is right on schedule in my book. The Reds just have to keep him down and let him get his AB's. The "D" is already major league caliber. A little patience and more minor league AB's and this guy will be a future building block for me. Plus, don't forget the rest of my young pitching - Wascar Serrano, Sun Woo Kim and Matt Ginter to name a few...and that doesn't include future aces Gil Meche and Kip Wells (regardless of his poor season thus far in the "Show") and supercloser Bung Hole Kim. I also love Aaron Rowand and
Chip Ambres and a few of the other guys. Its all about patience my friend...all about patience and a keen eye for talent. My staff has my FULL support.

BD: How long have the Reds been your favorite team? Who is your all-time favorite player?

PM: Reds have been my favorite team since I started loving baseball back in the mid to late 70's. The Big Red Machine. What a squad! My favorite Reds player -- Johnny Bench. The model by which all other catchers are judged.

BD: After looking at your picture on the web page, you have a strong resemblance to the actor in "American Pie." As a matter of fact, you look quite worried.

PM: I've been known to worry a bit. In fact, some would say a lot. I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I will never be out-prepared (or out-worked) for anything. When you hold yourself to that standard, you are bound to worry a bit. However, no matter how bad things get..."I have never had sexual relations with that pie."

BD: If you could sing or play an instrument in one band, what and which band would it be?

PM: I'm not much of a music guy, but I always loved the bass guitar. Doubt anyone would want me playing though.

BD: We all know you have a deep respect for the baseball talents of the commish. What other owners in the league will eventually threaten to dethrone the Zoots?

PM: There are a bunch of tremendous owner/managers out there. They know who they are and I am always keeping an eye out for them. I respect different things about different guys. Some are great talent evaluators. Some are great field managers. Its impossible to pick the best ones (plus there is no chance that I am going to provide locker room material for any of these guys as we head toward the playoffs) -- this is going to be tough enough.

BD: What is the biggest rip-off in history: a) the purchase of Manhattan for 17 cents, b) the sale of Babe Ruth in exchange for funding for the play "No No Nanette", c) Lou Brock for Ernie Broglio, or d) Randy Johnson for Jose Rosado?

PM: Oh man. Not the Randy Johnson thing again. Hey, I asked for the guy. Counteroffers were made. Eventually, two adults came up with a deal. If Johnson blows his back out last year, the attendance at my Pity Party would be pretty low. Plus, I originally got the guy for the stretch run last year and, inexplicably, he SUCKED for most of the second half. The fact that he
finally put it together for a couple of key games in the playoffs is just the law of averages. But really...enough is enough with this. You sound like that sombitch comissioner of ours.

BD: Speaking of that sombitch commish, this past June marked the anniversary of the infamous 1988 playoff series between you and Mike Glander. Are you finally willing to admit that your game-wining double steal in the fifth and final game of the series was a cheesy way to win?

PM: Well son, you were doing pretty well there until the last two questions. Our Commish, a wonderful guy when you get past all the crap, lives in the past. A classic "woulda, shoulda, coulda" kind of guy. Let me explain something....one time (and I will even talk slowly for our Commish). W I N N I N G . . . T H E R E I S N O S U B S T I T U T E. If you play by the
rules and win, that's it. Style points are for chumps. In the end, there is one guy at the top. Unfortunately for our Commish, he has always been more concerned with "style" (as hard as that is to believe). Maybe he would understand and stop asking this ridiculous question if he ever reached that pinnacle. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you want to look at
it) we will probably never find out.

BD: If you had to do it over again, would you?

PM: If you haven't figured this one out yet, you haven't been listening. The bottom line is simple...when you have the chance to rip the other guy's heart out, you do it. Period. Friend or foe. Real life or "play" time. No questions asked. No looking back. No explanations necessary.