August 19, 2001
Clockwise from top-left: Billy Romaniello, Phil Geisel, Mike Glander, John Bochicchio,
Jeff Paulson and Paul Marazita.
BDBL Weekend II: An Experiment in Sleep Deprivation
SALEM, NH - The second annual BDBL Weekend was held in
Salem and Boston from August 16th through 19th. Commissioner Glander, Paul Marazita, Jeff
Paulson, John Bochicchio, Phil Geisel and Billy Romaniello spent the weekend drinking
beer, playing pool, engaging in head-to-head DMB battles and doing really bad Ichiro
The festivities began on Thursday evening when Paulson arrived from his home in California. Paulson spent the night playing pool, drinking beer and explaining to Glander why he dropped out of the Griffin Division pennant race. At 3:30am, Paulson then tucked himself into his Yankee sheets and prepared himself for his first visit to Boston.
The Great Boston Expedition began at around 10:30 on Friday morning. Paulson, Glander and Glander's son, Ryan, first visited the U.S.S. Constitution, which, like Glander himself, is nicknamed "Old Ironsides." The group tour guide, Glander, explained to the tourist Paulson that Old Ironsides is a "really old ship that fought in some war at some point in U.S. history." Paulson was astounded by Glander's knowledge of history.
Luckily, the group then met up with a professional tour guide, provided by the famous green-and-red Boston Old Time Trolley Tours company. Unfortunately, the group soon learned that their trolley driver was clinically insane, so they got off at the first stop, Faneuil Hall, which Glander explained was a "really old building where important things took place a really long time ago."
After being treated to an impromptu comedy, juggling and magic performance outside of the historic hall, the three tourists headed into Quincy Market where the two Glander boys enjoyed slices of the world's greasiest pizza while Paulson helped himself to a bowl of chowder (or, as they learned the natives call it, "chowda.")
From there, the group then embarked on the highlight of little Ryan's trip: a ride on the Subway. After jumping on and off trains of various color, the group arrived at Harvard Yard (a.k.a. "Haavad Yaad"), former home of Marazita. There, Glander astutely pointed out all the various buildings whose names he did not know.
A quick trip on the subway led to the M.I.T. campus, where the three travelers then hitched a ride back on the trolley for what promised to be a quick yet informative cruise around the city of Boston back to their original starting point. More than two hours later, the group arrived at Old Ironsides. But along the way, they learned many interesting facts about the city of Boston. For instance, did you know that Babe Ruth once played for the Red Sox? And that, when he was traded to the Yankees, he was really upset, so he cursed the Red Sox franchise and said they wouldn't win a World Series for 100 years? Just a little bit of Boston trivia for you.
The highlight of the trolley ride (aside from the eerily realistic sound effects simulating Paul Revere's historic ride) was watching the trolley plow into a mail truck. No trip to the city of Boston is complete without seeing at least one major accident.
By the time the travelers returned from their adventure, Bochicchio was waiting for them back in Salem. Marazita eventually arrived as well, and the group enjoyed a hearty feast of Glanderburgers and "negative one" hotdogs. Later, between games of pool, Glander suffered the humiliation of being swept by the Zoots in his own house. Adding to the humiliation, he also lost his coveted John Olerud and Edgardo Alfonzo action figures.
After another long (3:30am) night, the house awoke at 9:00am on Saturday morning to the soothing sounds of the house alarm, courtesy of Bochicchio, who had innocently stepped outside for an early-morning smoke. After a traditional New England breakfast of eggs, home fries, pancakes, bacon, coffee and, of course, baked beans, the group set sail for Fenway Park at around 3:00. After parking at "Crazy Mohammed's $2.50 Park-and-Ride", the five BDBLers took the "T" to Kendall Square, where they learned that it is located nowhere near Fenway Park.
Finally, after hopping back onto the T and arriving at KenMORE Square, our group finally met up with Geisel and his friend Mike at Jillian's, the world's largest bar/pool hall/arcade. After a couple hours of drinking and shooting zombies to bloody smithereens, it was finally time for the big game. Shortly after arriving at the park, Glander made the fateful decision to follow up his night of binge drinking and morning bean-eating with a dinner of two Fenway Franks topped with nacho cheese and chili. It was a decision that would cause great discomfort to Glander and anyone sitting downwind from him for the next several hours.
The match-up for that evening was Casey Fossum, making his debut as a starter for the hometown team, versus Marlboro Hammerheads ace Jason Johnson. Fortunately for the 31,000-plus Sox fans in attendance as well as countless Hammerheads haters, Johnson got hammered to the tune of five runs in five innings as the Sox won.
During the contest, the group of seven (as well as everyone
else seated within the next three sections) was treated to the loud and completely
inaccurate musings of the mid-Western gentleman sitting right behind Glander's head.
Inning after inning, this inconceivably loud dolt shared countless bits of uninteresting
trivia with his friends. For example, according to Midwest Guy, Lee May is the only player
in the history of baseball who wore his birthday on the back of his uniform. Also, Shea
Hillenbrand is the only player to hit into a triple play and a grand slam in the same
game. (Note: it was actually Scott Hatteberg. But Hatteberg, Hillenbrand, Kendall,
Kenmore, what's the difference, really?)
After a few more hours of Jillian's following the game, Glander, Marazita, Romaniello, Paulson and Bochicchio all returned to Salem for more pool playing and camaraderie. Glander played two more head-to-head series, this time with better luck, as his Cowtippers swept both New Milford and Gillette. Glander and Paulson then stayed up through the night, eating a 2:00am snack of Glander's Famous Roast Beef Sandwich before heading out to Manchester Airport at 4:30am, just as the sun began to peak over the horizon.
Now that it's all over, it's safe to say a fun time was had by all. Next year, the BDBL is discussing a destination of either Cooperstown, New York or Pittsburgh's PNC Park for "BDBL Weekend III."