Posted 12-06-01 11:57 AM                
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NEWSFLASH 
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Semi-truck careens into Zooterfield, destroying all of right field (including 
the bullpen) and 16 concession stands, one of which was the popular BEERS OF THE 
WORLD. 

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Mike Glander's take: "What a lucky break for the Zoots! Not only do they get to 
rebuild half their stadium and turn it into luxury boxes, but now they get to 
redesign their RF wall around their hitters and pitchers. Plus, the city of 
Stamford will be giving the Zoots $35 million in interest-free loans to get this 
done. 

"Of course, this all couldn't have happened to a nicer guy than Paul. Except for 
me! Could you imagine the damage that would have been done if instead of a semi-
truck it was a double-decker bus that crashed into Zooterfield? 

"Vehicle A: 35 mph x 17 tons x 13 feet high = 1 million tons of pressure on 
impact 
"Vehicle B: 40 mph x 13 tons x 20 feet high = 2.2 million tons of pressure on 
impact 

"Who wants to guess which vehicle A and B represents and which one actually DID 
hit Zooterfield?" 

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Paul Marazita's take: "Though I'm sure somewhere in that cold heart of his, our 
esteemed Commissioner feels sorrow for the Zoots' tragedy, I must say that he is 
all wet. It doesn't matter how big the vehicle was that destroyed our right 
field and BEERS OF THE WORLD concession stand, the fact is that it was destroyed. 

"Yes, maybe a larger vehicle would have caused center field to go under as well, 
but it's quite enough to be hit by a semi-truck. 

"You can bet those loans would have served the Zoots in other areas if it 
weren't for the destruction of right field, so now we'll be hard-pressed to find 
ways of addressing those needs. 

"All I can say is that if it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy I wish there 
were some nicer guys somewhere." 

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Scott Zook's take: "I wish it happend to the Yankees!" 

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The Shark's take: "Ichiro will look nice in that revamped Zoots right field. And 
he can tell you which Japanese beers should be included in the new BEERS OF THE 
WORLD!"