November 4, 2000

Undertakers Cruise to Easy Victory

SALEM, NH - We all knew the Salem Cowtippers would lose this series.  But most
of us hoped they'd at least put up a fight.  Today, there was no fight in this
Salem team at all.  The Los Altos Undertakers strode into the "House That 
Olerud Built" and made themselves right at home despite the hostile crowd.
It was thought that removing the Los Altos starting pitchers - who by most
accounts should be little more than mediocre - from their comfy home environ-
ment would provide Salem with a better chance of scoring runs early in the 
game.  But Francisco Cordova - a man who was released prior to this season and
picked up with a #2 pick that was once owned by Salem - allowed just one run
through four innings, handing the ball to the Los Altos bullpen for the final
five innings.  And, as always, the Undertakers bullpen was completely 
suffocating, allowing just two baserunners (on two walks) through five shutout
innings.

For the first time this series, Salem manager Mike Glander did not employ his
unconventional pitching strategy of pulling his starter after two batters.
Perhaps he should have.  Darren Dreifort yielded eight hits and four walks
through 4 2/3 innings, allowing two earned runs.  Those two runs were more than
enough for Los Altos today.  However, Danny Graves (two runs, one earned) and
Pedro Borbon (one earned run) made sure they left their team with no hope at
all.

The nightmare began in the very first inning.  After two quick fly-ball outs,
Dreifort served up a hanging split-finger to Larry Walker (the eventual series
MVP) to put Los Altos on the board.  

For one brief and shining moment, Salem managed to tie the game when Jeff 
Cirillo popped a leadoff homer off Cordova in the second.  But the ecstasy was
short-lived.  For the second time this series, center fielder Armando Rios
(filling in for the suspended Shannon Stewart) threw out a runner at the plate.
That play came in the second inning, when Paul Konerko attempted to score from
second on a base hit by Bill "Wade" Mueller.  If nothing else, the play merely
extended the false hopes of the 55,796 fans in attendance.

Dreifort managed to hang onto the 1-1 tie through four entire innings (a rare
feat for Salem's $5 million man.)  But in the fifth, Dreifort faced the future
BDBL Hall of Famer Terry Shumpert with two outs and two men on.  Shumpert 
ripped a base hit, scoring the go-ahead run.  

The next inning, pinch hitter Jerry Hairston (another Hall of Fame candidate)
led off with a double off Graves (one of MANY doubles allowed by Graves this
series.)  Kenny Lofton then lofted a fly ball to Dmitri Young in right.  But
instead of catching it with his glove, Young attempted to catch the ball in
his back pocket.  Unfortunately, with his ample buttocks filling his baggy
pants more than expected, there wasn't enough room for the ball.  Hairston
scored on the error, giving Los Altos another freebie in this series.  

Hanley Frias............yes.............H-A-N-L-E-Y  F-R-I-A-S then ripped a
base hit off Graves, driving home yet another run.  

In the ninth, Los Altos even managed to score a run off Salem's only decent
reliever, Jeff Zimmerman.  After Borbon issued back-to-back walks to Frias and
Walker to start the ninth, Zimmerman came into the game.  The second batter
he faced, Paul Konerko, tapped a ground ball to John Olerud at first with
runners on second and third.  Olerud cut down the potential run at the plate
with a heroic toss.  But Terry Shumpert (yes, Terry Shumpert) ruined the party
by driving in another run with a base hit (and yes, Zimmerman was still 
pitching at that point.)

Meanwhile, the Salem offense - featuring the likes of Ellis Burks, Harold
Baines, Jeff Cirillo, Olerud, Young and Knoblauch - never even bothered to
mount a threat in any of the last six innings.

"Why bother?," said one Salem batter.  "I've already made my money this season.
I don't have the time for this playoffs nonsense."

With Trevor Hoffman on the mound in the ninth, Salem's best hitter this 
season, Javier Vazquez, was allowed to be the final hitter of Salem's 2000
season.  He grounded out to first.

"I thought it was appropriate," said Glander.  "None of the guys on this team
who are paid to hit have hit this series.  So why not let a pitcher try to do
what the hitters can't?"

As the fans filed out of the stadium with heads once again hung low, the Los
Altos Undertakers celebrated at mid-field.  They will face the legendary Zoots
of Stamford in the OLCS.